November 06, 2014


                Aloha, and welcome to the Timekeeper’s chair. I am Dr. Kay, and I will be playing the role of the timekeeper.You know, the person who watches every second of the action and keeps track of time? That's what I'm pretending to do! Am I a real doctor? Perhaps, but that’s not relevant to the subject at hand. The subject at hand is World Wrestling entertainment, the worldwide leader in sports entertainment. I am very much entertained by WWE and have been watching for years now. WWE is really amazing when you think about it, there’s action, drama, conflict, pyrotechnics, athletics, beautiful visuals, crowd interaction, realism, fantasy, jumbled up story lines that lack continuity and seem to refrain from making sense simply to spite the engaged viewer, catch phrases, a little bit of romance, comedy, captivating dialog, and wondrous tales of triumph, good conquering evil, inspiration, and glory. Pro wrestling is glorious theatre. But, specifically, WWE is glorious theatre. To see the beauty in WWE you have to believe it. You also have to overlook a lot of poor booking decisions and John Cena, but you have to believe in the beauty. 
               However, to get to the beauty, we’ll have to cut through the ugly, and there tends to be a lot of ugly. Sure, I’m just analyzing things based on what I know, what I think, wrestlers involved, predictions, patterns, and a bunch of other things, so, let’s not forget that something supposedly bad or stupid now, can become something good or wise later. Just like my writing. So, just like with certain things you love, let’s break down the WWE and over analyze its problems.

  • Monday Night Raw is still the flagship show. It probably will be for “then now and forever” but the downside is that Friday Night Smackdown has been demoted to a Raw recap show with decent Wrestling matches. It’s been this way since about 2012, but has generally always had the better quality wrestling matches. Smackdown has almost become irrelevant and a lot of its matches are repeated on Raw or are repeats themselves. Shame. WWE is still trying to make WWE Mainevent happen. They need to stop, because it’s not happening. Perhaps because it’s on the WWE network, but we’ll get to that later. WWE NXT is basically the best “wrestling” show and to me, has the best atmosphere. NXT’s also on the WWE network, but it’s not Mainevent, so it’s not bad.
  • John Cena is still the undisputed face of the WWE and still in the main event scene. The fact that Cena was the first person I mentioned in this article is just further proof that no matter you’re opinion of him, you’re going to talk about him. I’m impartial to John Cena (that’s what people who don’t like him say to hide their typical hate of him, or what someone who likes him says to hide the fact that they like him) and Cena wins is more of a WWE commonplace than the ring. He’s definitely annoying and “down our throats,” but we have to deal with him. He draws money and we watch his every move. But ladies and gentleman, it’s not the destination, it’s the climb. One day he will be overthrown (after beating Ric Flair’s Championship record tenfold) and we will all rejoice. Then miss him the next day.
  • Brock Lesnar is your WWE World Heavyweight champion. Lesnar is the personification of man and beast. Lesnar is one of the most entertaining characters on TV. The only thing is, he’s barely on TV. That’s not a criticism of Lesnar being a part-timer and not being present each week, that’s a criticism of the blandness of WWE’s roster. I think that the blandness could actually be attributed to the Raw three hour format, but, that’s a topic for another day. On Lesnar being a part time champion, I enjoy it and think it’s cool. It makes the Championship seem like a legitimate prize, makes Lesnar even more of a beast for defending it on his own terms, and makes Lesnar seem like an untouchable legendary monster. However, the execution of what it could and should be is practically nonexistent. It’s kind of like “let’s focus on this story line and Cena, until it’s Lesnar season”. If they had people actively battling for the right to face Lesnar and making this seem like this is the most unobtainable the Championship’s ever been, the Champion’s presence would be there every week.   
  • There’s still a struggling mid-card division. It seems sometimes that WWE only puts effort into making the main event interesting and just throw together a bunch of random matches for the rest of the show. Yeah, the talent has to “step up” and be entertaining, but you can’t blame the actor for why Hamlet dies at the end of the play. Spoiler alert? Story line wise, the mid-card is kind of boring, but there’s definitely talent there. Dolph Ziggler is the intercontinental champion and consistently puts on great matches. I never really liked Ziggy, but he’s growing on me like Pinocchio’s nose. Okay, maybe not that much, but he’s gotten more interesting. Lana is the United States—excuse me, Rusev is the United States Champion after beating Sheamus for the title. Rusev being the Anti-American super athlete has run its course, but he’s still one of the high points every episode of Raw. He’s being promoted heavily by the company, so it’s all just a matter of time before he gets beat by John Cena. Rusev V.S Cena or Lesnar would be interesting, but that’s a topic for another day. Oh, and quick note to Sheamus: Sheamus, I don’t know what you’re trying to do or be, but I think that you desperately need to stop. Is it a megastar, Sheamus? Is it a megastar that you’re trying to be, Sheamus? Because if it’s a megastar you’re trying to be, Sheamus, you need to behave yourself. Please, turn heel (i.e become a villain) again so that when you wrestle, I know you’re intentionally trying to be bad. Thank you.
  • Seth Rollins is important. Mr. Rollins is Mr. Money in the bank, which means he can “cash in” and get an opportunity at the World Championship, whenever he wants. He’s basically the focal point of the Authority and more or less the biggest heel in the company at the moment. His other Authority members, Triple H, Stephanie McMahon, Kane, Jamie Noble, and Joey Mercury are all doing good work TOGETHER. Let me emphasize together, because Kane by himself isn't good work, it’s scary. Randy Orton, recently left the Authority and is now after Seth Rollins. He’s kind of going crazy and is hitting RKO’s “out of nowhere”. Randy was a vine/Internet meme for a few weeks, so I hope WWE didn't turn him face just because of the spurt of popularity he’s gained, because he’s a better heel (emphasis on better, Randy’s seemed to have lost a few steps in general) and the vines are about his viciousness anyway. But, Randy should do fine, because he’s Randy Orton.
  • Dean Ambrose is breaking through. What exactly he’s breaking, I’m not sure, but he’s becoming something. He’s exciting, he gets my attention, and I GET IT, HE’S A LUNATIC. Gosh Michael Cole needs to chill sometimes. He’s currently in a feud with Bray Wyatt. Bray Wyatt has become very dull. His promos used to be interesting, different, and deep, now they’re uninteresting, the same thing, and quasi-deep. Hey, say people will never be pleased, but Wyatt has also lost a few steps and hasn’t even been here that long. But then again, it’s not the Actor’s fault Macbeth got his head cut off.
  • The Tag team division. The Tag team division consists of Goldust and Stardust-- excuse me, Gold and Stardust, the tag team champions, The USOS, Los Matadores, Slater Gator, and I don’t even know who else. Michael Mcgillicutty and David Otunga? Yeah, the division’s been waning again, I mean they tried to revive it in 2011 and it didn't really hit its stride until 2013, and now it’s going down again. You’d think with so many wrestlers doing nothing on the roster, some more teams could be formed, despite lack of chemistry, so that there's more going on. Hey, the division’s still surviving, so I guess that’s all that counts. Well, that and the referee.
  • The Diva Division. Where to begin? Let’s start with the first Paige. Paige is currently my favorite thing about divas right now. Of all time probably, Laycool, but right now Paige. She could have had a better gimmick and whatnot, coming to Raw, but we essentially got a typical face (good guy or girl) character. Then she turned heel. She became interesting and then just like everyone apparently in the division, she became crazy. Just like the current champion AJ Lee was, and I suppose technically is. Alicia Fox, playing the role of Paige’s friend, is also crazy. At one point, Alicia was actually having a (crazy) good run as a psycho and was the focal point of the division for all of two weeks, but there’s no Nation of Domination in the WWE right now, so of course she can’t be important. I kid, but the quality of the division isn't that great. I mean, sure the women are having longer matches and more segments (thanks partly to total divas), but there’s NO STORY LINES. At least not very good ones. Naomi, Natalya, AJ, and Paige are the best "wrestlers" and the second tier consists of Alicia and Nikki Bella. That’s actually good. I think CM Punk is a good diva character—excuse me, I mean AJ is a good diva character (Well, CM Punk would probably make a good diva), but she needs others to compliment her. We can’t keep having Paige V.S AJ because it’ll become the new Randy Orton V.S Cena or Kofi V.S Ziggler. Anyway, Laycool forever.  
  • The WWE Network is the 2nd most popular person on the roster. WWE’s all about numbers. Big stars are made based on pay-per-view buys, how much merchandise you can sell, how many people you put into seats, and how few wrestling moves you can do. But the most important number this year has been nine ninety nine. That’s all you need to pay each month to watch the WWE network and pay-per-views. However, numbers are eluding the WWE network. The company hasn't quite received the amount of subscribers that they've expected to have by now and things are looking almost XFL-ish. Ish, the network seems to be doing okay, but something’s just not attracting enough people to the service. It’s free for the month of November, so the company’s getting desperate, but I hope they don’t fail. I really want WWE to be successful with this, but, some of these low numbers may have to do with the poor quality of the overall product.

Quick time:
  •  Ryback’s back and is face again. He would be a good opponent for Lesnar, but apparently only Cena can face the Champion. Anyway, I see Ryback winning a mid-card championship and becoming irrelevant again.
  • Paul Heyman is a boss, which is funny because he’s an advocate. He's currently the best talker on the roster, as is common knowledge.
  • Justin Roberts, the ring announcer, got fired for being a clean cut loyal tenured employee I guess.
  • Adam Rose’s Bunny will probably win the World Championship. 
  • Where’s Kofi Kingston?
  • Daniel Bryan should probably return at the Royal Rumble. Maybe not, I don't know.
  • Cesaro in my opinion is the second best “wrestler” on the roster.
  • The Great Khali is still wrestling.
  • Heel Mark Henry is back, feuding with face Big Show, which means Big Show will be face this time next month, after turning heel, then face, then back heel again.
  • Damien Sandow has become popular as the Miz’s stunt double, which probably makes Matt Hardy salty, seeing as he was Jeff’s.
  • Roman Reigns is resting up and feeling stronger than ever before. He’s getting better and will be back real soon to beat up Seth Rollins.
  • The Bellas.
  • I kind of miss little Jimmy.
  • Enzo Amore is my favorite person in NXT, he’s silly and entertaining. I haven’t seen them yet, but I found out that there is a team in NXT called the Vaudvillians. That’s the most amazing wrestling related thing that I have heard in a while. That’s so great, gosh NXT is so much better than Raw.
  • And finally, Jack Swagger is my favorite wrestler and BY DEFAULT he is the best wrestler in WWE. I don’t care what you say, Jack Swagger is the man and he is the love. You respect Swagger and appreciate his talents. WE THE PEOPLE.              

Thanks for reading and spending some time with me! God bless you fine people and comment if you’re into that “type” of thing.

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